Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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