Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
