you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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