My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
