There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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