No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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