Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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