never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
