Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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