Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
