I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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