Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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