I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
