and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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