yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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