I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
