Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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