That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
