Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
