There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
