i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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