Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
