im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize