i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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