It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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