so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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