You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
