you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
