At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
