We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
