this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
