come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
