He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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