someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just found a bag of teeth...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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