we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
