Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
