I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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