he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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