Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
