she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
