is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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