im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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