I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
