If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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