I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
