8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It was confusing and full of hummus
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
