I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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