I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
