are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
