I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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