i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
