I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
