Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
