I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
