Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
