this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
