btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
