Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
