im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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