pop tarts are not kleenex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
