whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize