You really coming over, don't trick.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
