it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
