The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Even my vagina gasped.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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