omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
