I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize