i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
