I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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