Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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