why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
