i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
