I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
