spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
