I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
